The cannons brace yourself, bang! …and then the noise
stopped…. I was watching Duncan as he stared his brutal fear straight into my
very eyes. As they fired I thought to myself this is it for me gulp! Wow I was
startled and amazingly still in one piece but that didn’t really mean I still
would be alive. I began to swim for my life and try avoiding killing machine
sharks and burning driftwood all surrounding me. I had no choice but to sink
myself into the splintery driftwood and row myself to shore. I couldn’t believe
my stroke of luck I started laughing to myself saying man I am one lucky chap.
Hello Luke,
ReplyDeleteYour submission is gritty and action-packed. The imagery in your writing conveys the situation your character is facing. The phrase about sinking into the splintery driftwood is both visual and tactile which allows the reader to build a deeper connection to the story.
Reading your story aloud will help to clean up and fix issues with sentence structure and grammar. Hearing the story will also allow you to make some necessary adjustments to the phrasing of the words in some spots.
I agree with the title of the submission completely. Your character is indeed one lucky chap!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts,
Gina Felton Team 100: Iowa, USA